we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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