If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
