there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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