I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You ate ashes out of my bong
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
