Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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