a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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