Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
