can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
