Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
