awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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