the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
