Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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