Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
