At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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