Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
