It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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