I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize