I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
