My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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