please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
