Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
