At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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