I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize