i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
