I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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