so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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