At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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