I looked at my own cervix.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
