We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
