sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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