Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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