Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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