if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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