Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize