Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
