Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
