At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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