I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
