24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize