Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize