WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
