my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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