My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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