It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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