I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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