just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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