i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
