Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
