Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
