Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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