Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
