my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
