At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize