i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
