I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
