I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize