in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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