i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
