he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
