Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
did you just send me my own nude
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
