babies were throwing up all over the place
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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