i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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