Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
