Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
