Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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