I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
