i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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