tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize