Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
