i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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