My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
