remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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