me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
