I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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