youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
