we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
