After last night, I could never be a politician.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
