I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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