Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
