I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
