Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The power of my boobs compel you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize