Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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