You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
