how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
