Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
