FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
