Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
