so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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