the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize