just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
