That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
