"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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